True stories from the life of a recovering asshole

November 9, 2011

canarycoal:

smoothbrightwhite:

joshmordecai:

jailfortrees:

petit-truand:

dvz:

lovemelovely:

Citi Bank passed a copy of this handout to everyone in their HR department. This is few key “tips” for women to keep in mind to be taken seriously and succeed at work. The writers at Jezebel came up with their own supplemental “tips” to success for women:
1. Women tend to have two X chromosomes — you are not heard.
2. Women menstruate in public — emphasizes your femininity and deemphasizes your capability.
3. Women sit vaginally — the power position when seated at a table is to have a penis.
4. Wear panties in meetings — boxer-wearers are seen as more assertive and knowledgeable than those in lacy underthings.
5. Women have wombs — children come out of wombs. Men don’t reproduce, they conquer.
6. Ovulate — women ovulate at the smallest provocation which erodes your self-confidence. Men tend to move into sperm producing mode.
7. Women tend to smile inappropriately — an “inappropriate” smile is a smile that is on a woman’s face.
8. Observe “Rules” — rules are made to be broken by men. When women break them, it is a violation of workplace culture. When women follow them, it is self-sabotage. To be safe, avoid being a woman whenever possible.
9. Being invisible — 90% of adult humans are unable to visually perceive women. Solution: wear a bear suit.
10. Offer a female handshake — the best way to combat this is to have a man’s hand transplanted onto your wrist. Or purchase a giant foam hand at a sports stadium. These are very masculine and you are sure to be taken extremely seriously while wearing one.
Read more: http://jezebel.com/5634959/citibank-hr-tells-ladies-how-to-succeed-at-work#ixzz0zciTCsfh

i find myself gravitating to ~feminists on tumblr beacause they care about anything other than secondary wealth characteristicsbut overall good advice in a not so pc wrapper. jeez

women need to ACT LIKE MEN to succeed in business
this wrongheaded idea is the reason for shoulderpads in sweater and so much awful hair
it also reveals that the natural state of a corporation is a cruel warlike thing that suits sad men raised in martial culture
end capitalism immediately

11. WOMEN HAVE NO PLACE IN THE WORKPLACE BECAUSE THEY ARE ALL BLEEDING HEART PUSSIES, SO SAYS OUR OCTOGENARIAN CEO.
i like also how women are told to aspire to idealized notions of femininity at the exact same time

oh, look. more reasons for the banks to go fuck themselves.

FUCK THIS. i’m leaving citibank TONIGHT.
i do not speak soft.
i do not groom in public.
i do not sit demurely.
i do not speak last in meetings.
i do not ask permission.
i apologize when i’m in the wrong.
i do not smile inappropriately- how does one smile inappropriately anyway?
play fair? fuck you.
i am not invisible.
i have THE BEST handshake and eye contact combination.
FUCK YOU
PARDON MY FRENCH. WOOPS I APOLOGIZED.

i truthfully cant get on the train of hating these rules, i actually think they are applicable, regardless of gender.

What’s wrong with this is not the rules themselves, but that they are considered to only apply to women. I know plenty of men who should read these as well.

smoothbrightwhite:

joshmordecai:

jailfortrees:

petit-truand:

dvz:

lovemelovely:

Citi Bank passed a copy of this handout to everyone in their HR department. This is few key “tips” for women to keep in mind to be taken seriously and succeed at work. The writers at Jezebel came up with their own supplemental “tips” to success for women:

1. Women tend to have two X chromosomes — you are not heard.

2. Women menstruate in public — emphasizes your femininity and deemphasizes your capability.

3. Women sit vaginally — the power position when seated at a table is to have a penis.

4. Wear panties in meetings — boxer-wearers are seen as more assertive and knowledgeable than those in lacy underthings.

5. Women have wombs — children come out of wombs. Men don’t reproduce, they conquer.

6. Ovulate — women ovulate at the smallest provocation which erodes your self-confidence. Men tend to move into sperm producing mode.

7. Women tend to smile inappropriately — an “inappropriate” smile is a smile that is on a woman’s face.

8. Observe “Rules” — rules are made to be broken by men. When women break them, it is a violation of workplace culture. When women follow them, it is self-sabotage. To be safe, avoid being a woman whenever possible.

9. Being invisible — 90% of adult humans are unable to visually perceive women. Solution: wear a bear suit.

10. Offer a female handshake — the best way to combat this is to have a man’s hand transplanted onto your wrist. Or purchase a giant foam hand at a sports stadium. These are very masculine and you are sure to be taken extremely seriously while wearing one.

Read more: http://jezebel.com/5634959/citibank-hr-tells-ladies-how-to-succeed-at-work#ixzz0zciTCsfh

i find myself gravitating to ~feminists on tumblr beacause they care about anything other than secondary wealth characteristicsbut overall good advice in a not so pc wrapper. jeez

women need to ACT LIKE MEN to succeed in business

this wrongheaded idea is the reason for shoulderpads in sweater and so much awful hair

it also reveals that the natural state of a corporation is a cruel warlike thing that suits sad men raised in martial culture

end capitalism immediately

11. WOMEN HAVE NO PLACE IN THE WORKPLACE BECAUSE THEY ARE ALL BLEEDING HEART PUSSIES, SO SAYS OUR OCTOGENARIAN CEO.

i like also how women are told to aspire to idealized notions of femininity at the exact same time

oh, look. more reasons for the banks to go fuck themselves.

FUCK THIS. i’m leaving citibank TONIGHT.

i do not speak soft.

i do not groom in public.

i do not sit demurely.

i do not speak last in meetings.

i do not ask permission.

i apologize when i’m in the wrong.

i do not smile inappropriately- how does one smile inappropriately anyway?

play fair? fuck you.

i am not invisible.

i have THE BEST handshake and eye contact combination.

FUCK YOU

PARDON MY FRENCH. WOOPS I APOLOGIZED.

i truthfully cant get on the train of hating these rules, i actually think they are applicable, regardless of gender.

What’s wrong with this is not the rules themselves, but that they are considered to only apply to women. I know plenty of men who should read these as well.

8:29pm | URL: http://tmblr.co/ZZ4MJyBjr06-

(Notes: 837)